Torta-Landia

Torta-Landia is a small bar located on SE 60th Ave. in Portland, Oregon. It's actually not far from the Carts on Foster food pod.

OK, so I'm likely one of the last guys you'd see in a bar nowadays. I used to drink my fair share (thanks a lot, undergrad and law school), but now, I prefer to get wasted on food.

Warning: food drunkenness can be agonizing and cause food comas, rendering the person less capable of operating a vehicle.

I came in on a Thursday afternoon to an empty place. Realized the place had just opened. Cool, that means I can get in, order my food, and leave. Ninja style!

Wrestling stuff? A title belt as well...neat!

That's a nice special for loyal customers!
Buy nine tortas, get one free!
I'll assume that you don't have to purchase all nine at once

Torta-Landia, as the name implies, means tortas (Mexican sandwiches) are on the menu. They also got burritos and drinks.

The Carnitas del Diablo burrito stood out, and you probably know why. Slow-roasted carnitas, sauteed with habaneros and jalapenos, topped with borracho beans, green rice, cilantro-lime crema, quaso oaxaca, and habanero salsa. We gotta play with some devilish pork! I waited for a bit as the guy cooked my burrito to order.

(Guy hands me a burrito the length of a limo)

Carnitas del Diablo Burrito
(Tortalandia)

Yum...

OK, this bad boy has to weigh a few pounds. Filled with starchy goodness and porky awesomeness. Oh, I see some minced habaneros in there! Digging in!

Juicy pulled pork, excellent rice (not very gummy, so it still had an identity). The cheese and crema helped bring everything together, the latter livening the palate up.

Wait. Um...hello? Where's the heat? (scratches head, bites again...and again...and again)

Are these placebo habaneros? Sad panda! Perhaps an insufficient amount of peppers for my brain to get the message. My at-home spicy food training sessions worked too well! I'll have to ask for more habaneros (and habanero salsa) next time.

The burrito is extremely filling and decent. The dam did not burst with mega flavors. Instead, I experienced a calming stream of balanced ingredients. While I appreciate the balanced, juicy filling, I'd rather get bombarded with asskicking flavors that would make Chuck Norris proud. But no roundhouse kicks, please.

Ultimately, I feel like this burrito (especially when advertised) coulda given me a fireworks show to glisten my face. Instead, I drove off with a heavy stomach carrying defused explosives. 6.75/10